Slap a Stickie on it Tuesday!

Can I just tell you?  I LOVE Post-It-Note Tuesday

I Don't Know Jack

My hubby does his best to protect me from the world.  He tries.  But I've always been a trusting soul.  I should really spell that "sole" because there have been a time or two when I've felt like a heel as a result.

(See what I did there? Sole. Heel. Sorry, it's the cocktail.)

Yesterday I got a call from a detective in Florida.

Correction (this is for the benefit of my hubby), a person who claimed to be a detective.

He said my credit card information was stolen and he had a list of names and personal information of the victims. He was calling them all to let them know. He then read me the information he had, which was my address, my birthday, a credit card number, a security question and answer, and a user ID and password.

I was a tad shocked, to say the least.

Giphy.com

He said they had a guy in custody who had this list of people's personal information in his possession, but they didn't know where he got the information from. They weren't sure what website had been hacked. The information appeared to be about a year old.

I freaked out just a little. I felt like somebody had just rifled through my underwear drawer.

I could just picture some freak looking at my name and credit card number, then closing his beady little eyes (because all criminals have beady little eyes) and inhaling the paper with his nasty nose breath, whispering, "Hello Clarissssssse."

Source

Now, this detective who called me gave me a full name and two phone numbers where I could return his call.  I was out running an errand for my boss when I got the call, so I couldn't verify anything at the time; but I must admit, I didn't immediately think "SCAM!"  After all, he wasn't asking me for information, he was telling me what he already knew.

He also said his list of victims all had one thing in common - they had been in the mortgage business, like me.  He said if I can remember the website where I would have used the user ID and password that were associated with my name, that would be helpful.

So, me, wanting to be the good citizen and cyber-crime solver, immediately started thinking about which website I used that would have matched all that info they had on me.

However, I wasn't without some reservations.  When I got back to work, I did look up the Miami Beach police department phone number online (it matched the one he gave me), and called it, and asked if they had a detective there by the name of the one the caller gave me. They did. 

I instant messaged my husband and filled him in on what my brilliant detective work had found.

Giphy.com

I was very proud of the fact that I verified there was, in fact, an officer at the Miami Beach Police Department that matched the name I was given.  This was legit. I expected pats on the back and "Well done, Watson!" from my husband.

He typed back: JUST STOP! DO NOT VERIFY.  DO NOTHING ELSE UNTIL I GET HOME.

I typed: Huh? I verified. This is a cop.

He typed: OFFICER MEHOFF. REMEMBER OFFICER MEHOFF.

Awww jeez. THAT. When was he gonna let me live that down for crying out loud?

Since I haven't written of this before, let me fill you in.

About nine years ago, before we were married, I got a call in the middle of the night from a guy claiming to be with the "Nevada State Police." The guy claimed they had found a dead male body with no identification and which had my phone number in his pocket.

Another shocked moment.

Giphy.com

Now, you would think my first clue that something "just ain't right", would have been the fact that the call came in collect. But can you blame me? With all the foreclosures and budget cuts here, I figured the poor old Nevada State Police just couldn't afford to pay for their phone calls.

Makes perfect sense right?

The caller then asked for my name.

I, the aforementioned brainy detective, dutifully supplied it.

I know. I'm an idiot.

The caller told me they were going to investigate further into the identity of the body and would call me back if they needed anything else.

A few minutes later he called back.  He said they ran my name through a database to check my record and it came back that there was a warrant for my arrest because I had written bad checks.

Do you know what I said next? Because giving my name wasn't enough?  I said, "How can that be?  I don't write bad checks!  I work for a bank." 

Could I have BEEN. ANY. STUPIDER?? (giphy.com)

Yup, I told him where I worked.  A bank, no less.

I just know on the other end of the line, the beady-eyed hoodlum was going, "CHA-CHING!  WE GOT US A LIVE ONE!  AND SHE AIN'T TOO SMART NEITHER!"

Then the caller said since there allegedly was a warrant out for my arrest, they had no choice but to send out an officer to arrest me and that if I had kids, I should arrange for a babysitter. He asked if by any chance, was I there alone?

And what do you think I said?

Yup.  I admitted I was home alone.

Rachel's right. I AM an idiot. (giphy.com)

The caller said something I don't remember, pertaining to the fact that officers were on their way to arrest me and hung up.

And I sat there all scared, thinking I'm about to be arrested for writing non-existent bad checks.

Meanwhile, I still was wondering who the poor sap was who had died and had my phone number in his pocket.

Now might be a good time to point out that I didn't just go around, all willy-nilly handing out my phone number to every poor sap I met.

That's hard to believe, given all the other information I so freely gave the collect caller, but really...I didn't.

Finally, I decided it was time to call my boyfriend (my now, hubby) and let him know what had happened and that if he didn't hear from me for a few days, it was because I was in jail.

I rattled off the events, clearly upset, and he said, "Lock the door, don't answer the phone, don't answer the door. I'm coming over."

That made me feel a little better. Maybe he could vouch for me when the police came to take me away.

The phone rang again, and I answered (Yeah, that not listening to hubby thing continues to this day).

It was the same guy. This time he said that if I would be so kind as to give him my bank account information in order for them to be able to verify that the bad checks were not actually mine, then we could get this whole messy matter cleaned up in a few minutes.

Yeahhhh. Right. (giphy.com)

At last, a red flag was raised in my trusting brain. And I realize this might surprise you, given all of the other personal information I so readily proffered.

I might have been born in the dark, but it weren't yesterday. I DID know enough not to give out my bank account information, for crying out loud.

I was one sharp cookie and they weren't gonna pull a fast one on me, no sirreee. I would proceed with caution now. I was onto them.

At this point, I asked for the officer's name.

He said Mehoff.

I said, "Officer Mehoff?"

He said yes.

Do you know what I said next?  It was what any sharp, not born in the dark, street-wise person would have said:

"What's your first name?"

To which he replied, "Jack."

I dutifully wrote it down. Last name, Meehoff. First name, Jack. Got it.

You still don't see this? Really? (reactiongifs.com)

I informed the gentleman that I would have to call him back after I verified the information.

By now, my now-husband-then-boyfriend had arrived. I breathlessly relate the events, quite proud of myself that I got the name of the officer. I showed him the piece of paper where I carefully wrote it down.

My husband tells me still to this day, that it was at that moment he knew he must marry me. He all at once felt it his obligation to protect me from the world.

He said, "Honey, read the name, first name, then last name."

I replied, "Jack Mehoff."

He said, in an incredulous tone, "Honey?"

I said, "Jack Me...oh."

Jack. Me. Off.

Dammit.

So fast forward back to the present "I'm-a-cop-from-Florida" bit and you understand why my dear hubby reminded me of this unfortunate incident at this particular time.

Accepting defeat, I instant messaged him back that I wouldn't do anything else about the incident until he got home.

Curses.  I knew he was right..  I should be less trusting and more cynical.  But still....what if I could figure out which website had been hacked?  Maybe I could save future victims.  Maybe I could redeem myself from the Officer Mehoff debacle.

Hubby continued to instant message me warnings in all caps:  DON'T DO ANYTHING ELSE UNTIL I GET HOME!  He gives all the reasons why this could be a scam and how anything I did, even calling back, or giving any minor piece of information could put us at more risk.

Poor hubby.  He tried (and still tries) hard to protect me but I was too busy daydreaming about being bestowed with an honorary detective badge to listen. As soon as I got home from work, I went straight to my computer, determined to figure out which website had been hacked.

Yeah, this is pretty much how I pictured myself. (source)

In the course of the mortgage business, I had used many lender, appraisal, credit, and employment verification websites, all of which were paid with a credit card.  But the detective had said they had one piece of information that I knew wasn't required at any of those sites and that's what helped me figure it out.

I looked through my receipts and found the one for the website I suspected.  I keyed in the user id and password the detective gave me, and it worked.  And the security question and answer were also correct for this website.

"By George, Watson, we've got it!" I shouted to an empty room.

I had figured it out!  I wanted to call the detective right then and shout, "I CRACKED THE CASE!!"

But there was the pesky little matter of my hubby who told me not to do anything else until he got home.

Dammit.

While I waited for him, I did a little googling of the detective's name.  He seemed legit. I was wriggling in my seat with excitement, waiting for hubby to get home so I could brag about my detective skills.

Finally hubby arrived. He took one look at me grinning at the top of the stairs and said, "What did you do?"

Luuuuucy! What did you do? (giphy.com)

I launched into my story, starting with how it appeared the detective was legit and ending with how I figured out which website it was.  I'm a terrible liar, so I had to admit to him that I had already logged into the website to verify it was the one.

Poor hubby.  He was still skeptical and shaking his head at my non-compliance, but I could tell he was just a little bit impressed with my persistence.

I pointed out that the website could still be compromised and there could be other beady-eyed criminals out there accessing the information of innocent people that used it and it was my duty to tell the detective what I knew.

He reluctantly agreed, but warned me to just give the website and no other personal information about myself. He is ever the skeptic.

I called the detective (at the verified office number of the police department) but had to leave a message, which was a bit anti-climatic. I really wanted accolades for my brilliant work. I figured if he called back, then they haven't figured out the website yet and my information could have helped and if he didn't call back then they had already figured it out without me.

He didn't call back. Oh well. Nancy Drew was unappreciated in her time too.

So what did I learn from all this?

1.  I still need to be suspicious of phone calls saying they are from cops. This one looked like it was a real cop, but as hubby pointed out, it could have been a guy that just had the cop's business card and was pretending to be him.

2.  The officer Mehoff incident will continue to be fodder for hubby to use against me.

3.  I'm going to use a preloaded Visa card whenever I make purchases online, not my bank credit/debit card. I was just lucky that the card number they had for me had been closed a while back.

4.  My new nickname, given to me by my brother, is "Booby Drew".  I thought it was quite clever, the way he combined Nancy Drew and Sooby Doo, both notable detectives. Also, boobs.

In case you're wondering, the Officer Mehoff incident turned out to be a scam. When I got my phone bill later that month, it contained collect call charges from a Kentucky prison.

I called the prison and let them know what happened, and also filed a police report about the incident, but the damage had been done.

Somewhere there is a beady-eyed inmate named Bubba just waiting to get out so he can come visit me because I was nice enough to give him my name and address.

"Hello, Clarisssssssssse."

Officer Mehoff

So my point is...be leery, my friends. Be very leery.

Naively,
Lori

If you liked this post, please share it on Facebook. Other people should be warned not to be naive and fall for these scams! And also that Jack Mehoff might be a real person living in a Kentucky prison.

Slap a Stickie on it Tuesday!

P.S.  I was really tempted to end this post with, "now excuse me, I have to crap." But that would have been utterly tasteless and vulgar and I just don't roll that way.

Just...compelled.

Once again, months have gone by since I've written.  One of my new year's resolutions is to blog regularly now that I'm just working one job and getting more settled with the whole "8 to 5" work schedule thing.  More about that later.

Right now, I'm compelled to write just a short post to ask for your thoughts and prayers to be with a fellow blogger who is in pain.  She has lots of support from her friends and family near her, and lots more support from the blogosphere, but I needed to just write a word or two of support too, because...well, there's no such thing as too much love and support, is there?  Unless you're a bunny.

When I started blogging a year ago, Lori's blog was one of the first ones I started following.  I liked her simple, funny, down-to-earth style and felt an immediate rapport with her.  Part of the draw was that we shared the same name (narcissistic, much?) but mostly it was her genuineness and wit.

Her posts were always the first ones I'd read in my reader and I always felt like my posts weren't actually "out there" in blog world, until she left a comment on them.  She's a small person who leaves a very big impression.

The more posts I read, the more I liked and admired her.  Her funny posts made me laugh out loud and her poignant ones made me cry.  She's very brave and writes about personal, painful things that most people would be afraid to put out there to the world.  And she writes them beautifully and without pretense, and there's usually a bit of trepidation in her words, but she bravely presses on and that's what's just so real about her.  And strong.

I've been a bit behind in my blog reading, but snuck over to her blog one morning last week while I was at work just to check in and see what she's been up to, and my heart just sank.  Her husband died suddenly very recently.

She has two very small children, and she's a stay at home mom, and he was a great guy that she loved very much.  And he's gone, and her world has changed forever.  Heartfelt writer that she is, her words are painful now to read, but how painful they must be for her to write them.  My heart just goes out to her.

So if you're a praying person, please say a little prayer for her or leave a note of support on her blog. She's going to need much love and support in the coming days, weeks, and months.

If you're able to help her family monetarily, you can go to one of her good friend's, Sarah's, blog and donate using the widget that's there.

I'll write something lighter soon, and more often - please don't give up on me!  I just had to write this today.

Aussie Lori, you have all our love and support.  We're here when you need us.

Dressing Rooms, No Spanx, and Size 12s...Oh My!

I did something super scary on Halloween.

Frightening, really.

I stood in my underwear in a dressing room.

Yup. I went there. Clothes shopping, to be exact.

I hadn't lost those damn 20 pounds and yet, I. went. clothes shopping.

What the hell was I thinking??

Well, I'll tell you what I wasn't thinking. I wasn't thinking my usual, "I don't deserve to have cute clothes because I'm not the size I used to be."

And I wasn't thinking, "I'm not going to look good no matter what I wear until I've lost 20 pounds because looking good is directly related to what size I am."

Ok, that last one I was thinking a little bit.  It's hard not to when you look in the mirror and see stomach flab that resembles a kangaroo pouch.  But that's what spanx are for, right?

The only problem was, I wasn't wearing spanx when I went clothes shopping on Halloween. And that's actually lesson number one I learned that day.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.  I wanted to start this post by saying I've decided it's ok to look good and feel good while I'm trying to lose weight.  I don't have to put off looking and feeling fabulous until I reach my goal weight.  Because life is short.  And why does a size get to dictate my mental frame of mind?  It shouldn't . And on that Halloween day, for me, it didn't.

I bought size 12s and it was ok.

I had a little help though.  My cousin - my decorator, fashion consultant, fun, fashionista cousin - went with me. Her motto in life is, "If it's worth doing, it's worth over-doing," and that's why I get into trouble when I hang out with her love hanging out with her.

We have different fashion senses, she and I.  I stand on the shoreline of fashion's ocean and dip my toe in to test the waters while she wades courageously in, arms outstretched, ready to confidently embrace her fashion choices.  She knows who she is on the inside and isn't afraid to portray it on the outside, size be damned.

Case in point - she tried on a pair of  black velour sweats with the words "Fabulous" scrawled down one leg (size Large, thank you very much), and upon seeing the price tag of $5.99, said, "I can have 'Fabulous' for $5.99?  I'll take it!"  And you know what?  Her ass looked fabulous in those sweats.  It was larger than she would have liked, but it was fabulous, and she knew it.

Of course, while she was trying on fabulous, I was stuck in a size 10 pencil straight black skirt. Literally stuck.  When I couldn't fit it over my hips, I shimmied out of it and actually tried putting it on over my head. Big mistake.  It got stuck over my boobs and I couldn't lift it up or down and thought I was gonna have to shoplift it and cut it off later.

Fortunately, my fabulous cousin was able to yank it off  me.  So much for "it looks like it runs big."  Don't fall for that, by the way.  Try on the size you are, then trade down from there if you are lucky enough to need a smaller size.  Going the other way is just depressing.

After the skirt incident, we went to the Mexican place down the street and had  margaritas, chips, and salsa. We were invigorated for round two of our Halloween shopping adventure.

Perhaps it was the margarita, but round two was definitely more fun than round one.  I didn't mess around and went straight for the size 12's.  And you know what?  They fit great.  I found two pairs of pants and a skirt for work - at Target, of all places.

So here's what I learned from my scary shopping trip:

1.  Wear your spanx when you are going to try on clothes. Everything you try on will look better. Trust me.

2.  You absolutely must shop with someone who says things like, "We're gonna rock that skirt with some lace tights."

3.  Have a margarita before you try anything on. Again...everything will look better.

4.  Stand tall and throw your shoulders back in the mirror - you'd be surprised what a difference it makes.  You look taller, thinner, and more confident.

5.  Layer things.  A super cute sleeveless top that may not be appropriate alone for work can look awesome as a vest over a long sleeved top.  It can always do double duty as nighttime or summer wear.

6.  Cuff your pants.  I never would have thought of this, but try rolling up your pants to about mid calf and wear them with tall boots.  Experiment with a wide or narrow cuff, depending on the pant style.  According to my cousin, cuffing is in.  Of course, knowing my cousin, she may have been talking about the bedroom...

7.  Brown and grey look good together.

8.  Add some color to a neutral outfit with a scarf.  Hang it loose around your neck, or tie it, or wrap it, but it really adds some punch to an outfit.

9.  Don't fall for that "It looks like it runs big" BS. Most of the time, if it's smaller than your normal size...it ain't gonna fit.

And finally, the most important lesson of all:

10.  You can be sexy and stylish while you're at the size you don't want to be, while you're trying to become the size you really want to be, because it's who you are right now.  And you should always, always, love who you are.

Linking this post up over at Natasha's blog, Epic Mommy Adventures, for her Turn It Up Tuesday Link Up. The theme is Halloween posts and although this seems a bit off topic, it really did happen on Halloween. And let's face it girls...dressing room lighting is scary, is it not?

Backgrounds and Birthdays and Rednecks

Hi ya'll!

It's only been 2 weeks since I posted.  I think I'm improving.  

I changed my blog template a wee bit.  

Am I a lush because my last two posts have centered around booze and the template background I picked is a wine glass?  Maybe you better not answer that.  It's just so pretty and warm and rustic looking.  It reminds me of Tuscany.  Not that I've ever been to Tuscany but I imagine a glass of wine in front of a wall in a house in Tuscany would look like my blog background.

I debated between this one and one with falling leaves.  Now, if there had been a background with falling wine glasses, it would have been a no-brainer.  Ah, well...this is my template and I'm sticking with it...for awhile anyway.

So last night was my brother's 51st birthday.  We had to buy him something totally cool because he's such a great guy and he cooks for us.  So we bought him a deep fryer and he was completely stoked.  Guess what we had for dinner tonight?  Homemade chili fries.  Guess what were having tomorrow night?  Chicken fingers, fried zucchini, and onion rings. 

Our diet now consists of nothing but barfood.  I've created a monster.  A monster who wears a sparkly apron featuring parrots in a margarita glass saying, "What happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen." 

Yes, he really wears that - our mom bought it for him.

Speaking of bars, we all went to a little neighborhood bar and grill for his birthday, which really tickled him because he never did much for his birthday before.  I gave him the second gift we bought him - a tee shirt that was so HIM it screamed his name from the catalog.  It was black and emblazoned in white letters it said, "In dog beers I've only had 2."

Now I have to tell you the truth about me and my family.  My trailer park roots every once in a while come clawing to the surface.  Ok, more than once in a while.  My brother liked the tee shirt so much that he changed into it at the restaurant.

At the table.

Yup, you might be a redneck if you change into your dog beers tee shirt that you got for your birthday in the middle of the Sack 'O Suds.

And now you know the ugly truth about us.  That's who we are.

I'll be catching up on blog reading over the next couple evenings, so I'll be visiting everyone soon, I promise!

Where the hell have I been??

Well it's about freaking time!

Where have you all been??

Oh wait...it's me that's been gone.

So where the hell have I been you ask?  Or maybe you don't.  Maybe it's just me wondering where the hell I've been.  I do that alot.

Either way, I'm here to tell you.

Working.  Working is where I've been.  Working at my 8 to 5, Monday through Friday, not particularly exciting regular job.  And I must say that I actually like it.

I DO miss being home, and making my own schedule, and doing what I want with my time during the day, like blogging, or making comics on toondo housework.  But I like having a regular paycheck and I like the variety of my tasks at work - everything from bookkeeping to writing newsletter and website content - and it's a nice switch to actually accessorize every day.

I think I'm actually burning more calories too.  Not that  I'm particularly active at work, but let's face it - getting dressed and out the door just naturally expends more energy than sitting in front of my computer in my pajamas.

The down side is that I'm just tired when I get home.  I spend all day in front of the computer at work and by the time I get home I just want to chat with my brother or my kids, or play with my doggies, or watch T.V. with hubby.

But I do miss blogging and reading everyone's posts.  I'm trying to find some sort of balance with it all, but it's hard.  Does anyone else think it's hard?  Or is it just me?

I'm going to shoot for two posts a week.  One regular post and if Post-It Note Tuesday is still around, that's my second.  This counts as one, by the way.

Other than getting used to my job, nothing really has changed in my life since my last post.  So, really, you didn't miss much in the month or so I've been away.  Didn't miss much at all.  And just in case you were fretting about what you might have missed, here's a little summary of the things that haven't changed:

1. I still drink cheap wine.  I'm going to have a tee-shirt made that says "I DRINK WINE THAT'S $2.99."  It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?  Even rhymes.  Matter of fact, I was in the Wal-Mart superstore yesterday buying a 2 3 4 bottles of it and I happened to get a checker that was under 21.  So she says to me, "Ummm, can you put all your wine at the end of your order because I have to have someone 21 ring it up."  ALL your wine.  She couldn't just say "your wine", she had to point out the excessive quantity by saying "ALL your wine."  She may as well have announced, "CAN SOMEONE RING UP THE LUSH IN THE I DRINK WINE THAT'S $2.99 TEE-SHIRT, PLEASE!" 
2. My brother still cooks delicious dinners every night, which is even more appreciated now that I'm working.  I know.  Go ahead, you can say it. You know you want to.  Here, I'll do it for you........BEE-ATCH!  Yup, I'm a spoiled bee-atch with a personal chef, I admit it. 
3. I still need to lose 20 pounds.  Reference #2 above.
4. I still wake up hubby in the middle of night, spouting ridiculous riddles like, "Do you see the turquoise clipboards?!" (I kid you not, this happened a few nights ago), or insisting that he search the bed for spiders.  Surprisingly, we're still married.   

So see?  You really didn't miss much.  I however, am a bit depressed that my life is so predictable, but whatever.  I'm stocked up on wine. For the night.  (Kidding...really.)

I have missed reading your posts and I might not be able to read every day, but I'll try to read a couple times a week at least.  Please don't hate me.

Oh, and I'm thinking I should change my blog background.  It's time to switch it up a bit.

Till next time, y'all - Cheers!

Post Its and Wine...Awesome!

I'm a Working Girl!

I'm sorry for my absentness, folks, but I'm an official 8 to 5 gal, now. It's been awhile since I've had a set work schedule - 8 years to be exact. It's actually not as hard an adjustment as I thought it would be. I need to come up with some sort of blogging schedule lest I'm forgotten for lack of posting (and commenting), but I'll just have to work on that.

Right now I'm just extremely grateful to have a regular paycheck and I only had to sweat through one interview. I feel really, really fortunate in that regard. I was so freaking nervous in my interview. I'm just not the confident kind. I know I'm a hard worker, but I don't know if I'm perceived as one.

Despite my stumbling over a couple questions, they seemed to like me. I was their first interview and they were only interviewing four other people. I found out later that after they met with me, they cancelled all but one of the other interviews. I interviewed on a Thursday and on Monday they called me in to offer me the job. I started the next day.

It's a small family owned computer software and hardware company. I do administrative assistant stuff, like phones, quickbooks, correspondence, and whatever other support their programmers might need. I'll also get to write some website content which is very cool.

It's an all guy office, except for me and one other girl, but she works off site. They're all very techy, of course, because that's their job - and I felt a little inept at their phone system at first, but I'm starting to settle in now. I like what I do, I get along with everyone fine, and I hope I make them happy they hired me.

I've already had a "maybe I just shouldn't speak" moment. As part of the hiring process, the project manager had sent out a questionnaire and proofreading challenge to all of the candidates. After he hired me, he showed me how I scored compared to the rest of the candidates. He told me I had scored the highest, but as I was looking at his little chart of scorings and rankings, trying to see for myself how smart I was, I couldn't read it for the life of me. I couldn't tell if I was the first vertical row or the first horizontal column or what all the numbers meant, because they weren't labeled.

At times like these, it's best to just nod and smile. It's not a good idea when someone is trying to show you how smart you are, to ask a question, because the odds are it's going to be a really dumb question and give them reason to reconsider their opinion. I asked what one of the scores was and as it turns out, I was reading the darn thing all wrong and he gave me an odd look as he explained I was looking at the wrong row. Now I have to redeem myself and do something smart. I hate when that happens!

The other thing that is a bit challenging is figuring out what these guys think is funny. I make coments in my emails that are meant to be humorous and I get nothing. Crickets. You know what I mean? Like it's so quiet you just hear crickets chirping? It's a bit off-putting, but then again, maybe I'm off-putting to them.

Despite a few jitters, I'm really glad I'm there. I think I'm a good fit for this little company and I hope I can make a contribution to their success. Thanks for everyone's kind comments and support. I'll be around visiting your blogs soon, I promise!