Tuesday, March 1, 2016

If Gladys Kravitz Gave Oscars

I don't normally watch the Oscars. Mostly it's because I haven't seen the movies that have been nominated.

Gladys Kravitz from Bewitched gives out Oscars

One year back when my kids were real young (I'm talking three kids ages infant, terrible two, and devilish three), they had a contest at work to see who could predict the most Oscar winners. I came in dead last. Big surprise that I didn't have a lot of time to go to movies.

They gave me a consolation prize of two movie tickets so I would get out more and not embarrass myself as much the next year.

This year the hubby and I actually saw a few of the nominations (It's a wonderful thing when the kids grow up and move out). So we tuned in for a little while. Chris Rock's monologue was so hysterical we ended up watching the whole thing.

A few observations:

The singer known as The Weeknd (yes, that's his name - no, I don't know why) performed his hit from 50 Shades of Grey. My husband kept saying that he looked familiar. Suddenly he shouted, "Little Lulu!" and pointed at the T.V. What do you think?

Maybe he should take a weekend and change his hairstyle.
I guess this year they didn't want anyone going overtime in their speeches so they used ticker tape across the screen with the names of everyone the winners wanted to thank. It didn't seem to help. They still went over in their speeches and got the music queue to stop talking. I think they call that The Big Short.

Leonardo Dicaprio, however, got no music playing. I'm so glad he won Best Actor for The Revenant. His speech was perfect and heartfelt. What a class act!

Aside from watching the Oscars this weekend, I watched the neighbors across the street move out of their house, like Gladys Kravitz. Remember her?

Mrs. Kravitz nosy neighbor watching Samantha and Darren.
Mrs. Kravitz from Bewitched. Yup, just like me. (Source: Wikia)
It occurred to me that many of our neighbors deserve Oscars for their guest appearances in our lives during the five months we've lived in our neighborhood. Here's what that would look like:

1.  Best Avoid All Eye Contact Routine

Wayne's World avoiding eye contact while eating.
This goes to the neighbors that just moved out. They used to be outside their house quite often and I'd try to catch their eye when I was outside too, just to smile and wave and you know...acknowledge we're neighbors.

But no. I never got so much as a sideways glance. Fred once knocked on their door to let them know their dog was out and she didn't even look at him. She said, "Yeah we got him," and closed the door.

Alrighty then. Good talk. 

2.  Best Show of Liking Your Neighbor When Actually They Really Annoy You

Nicki Minaj pretending to be nice.
This goes to our neighbors on the right side of us. I have to give them credit though, they at least wave and smile when they see us. But I get the feeling it's through gritted teeth. 

The other day we had our front door open and just the screen closed and their dog ran over and was hanging around on our porch. I went outside and was petting her and trying to get her to go back to her house. The neighbor was calling her and she wasn't listening. He said "She heard your dogs barking and that's why she went over there." Which I know was code for "I wish your dogs would shut the hell up once in a while."

Truth be told...that makes two of us.

3.  Best Portrayal of Friendly Neighbor

Samantha Jones from Sex and The City giving a friendly wave animated GIF.
This goes to the lady down the street who's always outside watching her kids play. We call that the friendly end of the street. When we walk the dogs she smiles, waves, says hello and we let her kids pet the dogs. It's all very pleasant and Mayberry-like.

Then again, she could be coming on to my husband.

Even so, of all the neighbors we've met so far, she seems the most likely one to come over and drink wine with me. Maybe I should get him to invite her.

4.  Best Show of Appreciation for Christmas Crackers

Jim Carrey saying thank you.
This goes to the guy at the very end of our street. Remember the Christmas Cracker debacle? This guy was the only one who seemed genuinely pleased to receive crackers from complete strangers. Go figure. He's also the only one with the biggest, gaudiest, Christmas light display. Definitely our people!

5.  Best Performance of "Get the Hell off My Porch"

Clint Eastwood looking mad and annoyed at his neighbors.
Last, but not least, our neighbor on the right side of us gets this one. (for more details, refer to the aforementioned Christmas Cracker debacle post). His constant "Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh," while my husband was regaling him with the story of the unauthorized house party at our old house was akin to the music at the Oscars they start playing when the winners won't stop gabbing about all the people they want to thank. 

And his delivery of the "I don't answer my cell phone at work," line when the hubs suggested we exchange phone numbers to keep on eye on each others' houses was a brilliant creative choice. Message received. No neighborly patio wine drinking for you.

So what about you guys? Any neighbors that deserve Oscars in your neck of the woods?

Neighborly Yours,

No comments: