Sunday, March 28, 2010

Honey don't like Honey-Dos

It's a beautiful day here in Las Vegas.  Mid 70's, sunny, no wind.  Just loverly.  The perfect day for some long overdue yardwork.  
If my family had their way, our yard would never get any attention.  Hubby likes sleeping too much, and the kids like...pretty much anything else too much.  

Ahhh, but that's what I'm here for.  To make sure hubby doesn't take too many naps and the kids don't have too much fun.

I started the morning at 9AM singing to my daughter, "Wakey , wakey, yardwork till you're achy!"  She groaned and pulled the covers over her head.  I sang the same song to hubby as he sat on the couch eating his peanut butter toast.  "I'm digesting," he said.  

I started alone.  But lo and behold, hubby and my daughter came out soon after and began pulling weeds and raking. Oh, the quality family conversations that can be had when we are all busily working together:

Hubby:  "Mama must hate us."
Daughter:  "I'm hungry and I have cramps."
Hubby:  "Why do we even have a yard?"
Daughter:  "So mom can torture us."
Me:  "The homeowners association is going to send us a nasty letter if we don't do this."
Hubby:  "Screw the association."
Daughter:  "Giggity."
Hubby:  "My back aches."
Daughter:  "I have cramps."
Hubby:  "Mama, grab my branch."
Me:  "Giggity."
Hubby: "How about we stop for lunch?"
Me:  "How about you blow the leaves?"
Hubby:  "Giggity."

That was the first 10 minutes.  

All in all, I have to say, it only took a little over an hour for the three of us, plus my sister in law, to whip the yard in shape.  It looks pretty darn good too.  I made them all tuna melts as a thank you.  I'm not completely heartless.

Chores like yardwork is one area where hubby and I are different.  I like for them to get done, and he likes to take naps.  He says I get way to much satisfaction out of watching men work for me.  A few years ago, when things were a little more...prosperous, we were having some home improvements done and I sent hubby the following email:

Subject: You know how I like to see men working....

Well all my fantasies are coming true today--I got two guys laying tile, 3 guys working on the backyard, and one at the flooring store working up numbers for the wood in the family room!  Not to mention, you, hard at work, as always, for me!  I'm in heaven!

Warm Regards,

He replied with his own version of the oompa loompa song from Willy Wonka:

Oompa loompa oompa-dee-doo
She's got another project for you
Oompa loompa oompa-dee-dee
If you are smart you'll hide here with me

What do you get with a house and a wife?
A honey-do list to last your whole life
What do you find when you think you're all done?
You find that your work has only begun

Oompa loompa oompa-dee-dee
Who says Abe Lincoln abolished slav'ry?
Oompa loompa oompa-dee-doom

Why in hell'd you come out...

Of your...

Oompa loompa doompa-dee-ROOM?

I may have to pay to get work done, but I get entertained for free.

How do you get your men to do their honey-do list?


Janet said...

I'm still at the point with mine that he's so happy to be here, he'll basically do anything I ask. Though I do take care to show tons of gratitutde!

aladdinsane12 said...

haha, grab his branch. i'm giggling over here!

if i need something done, i just play dumb and the boyfriend humors me. i got him to check my car tires' pressure today :)

Unknown said...

Haha deadset Lori you are the funniest chick in the blogosphere.

My hubby is an immovable object. I have been asking to clean our windows for THREE FREAKING YEARS. I kid you not. Yet I am still too lazy to do it myself.

Fred J said...

Hey, what does she want - finished chores or Oompa Loompa songs to post... you can't have both!

Hold your ground, Aussie-Lori. Do NOT under any circumstances do those windows yourself! You'll establish an awful precedence. I'm not even suppose to be telling you this stuff. It's straight out of the Guy (pop-up) Book.

Anonymous said...

lucky for me I married the anal retentive kind when it comes to clearing the yard and getting it in tip top shape so the neighbors will be jealous! Ha! He would spend hours on the darn grass and plants. I am much more laid back when it comes to those things.

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

That post was hysterical. I kept thinking I was in my own yard with my own family. You've got husbands and teens down tight!

Unknown said...

This was funny! Loved the Abraham Lincoln reference. I can also totally identify with having a husband that likes to take too many naps! So glad you linked this up with us over at #findingthefunny last week!