Monday, June 7, 2010

Hubbys (and Kids) Say the Darndest Things Vol. II

Forgive me bloggers, for I have slacked. It has been 4 days since my last post. If I say 5 hail Google Gods, drink some sacred wine (way ahead of ya there), and promise to read all the posts in my google reader, can we move on? Alrighty then.
I have a good reason for not posting in a few days, actually. Friday was my oldest's birthday and Saturday was my youngest's. Yup, 20 and 17. Time sure does fly. I was so busy with celebratory stuff that I didn't have a chance to do a birthday blog post, but no matter. They were happy with their celebration doings and at the end of it all I sat with a glass of wine and blubbered over their baby books. Ah, the joys of motherhood.
On a cheerier note, it's high time for volume II of Hubby says the Darndest Things. These first few I like to call Freditions. They're definitions, hubby style.
Key:  Momma = Me

Google-dee-glop  -  Mystery foods my brother cooks using recipes he got from the internet.
Synonyms: Googlash

Da Bitchi Code - Momma's household rules when they are shrieked out of sheer exasperation

Wizdumb - A phenomenon limited to the male species involving flashes of self-perceived brilliance one gets while one is urinating.

Algae-bra - A dirty undergarment

On-store - Navigation system for Hubby when he can't find something in the grocery store. It involves speed dialing Momma's number.

Fred-star - Navigation system for Momma when she's across town trying to get to an appointment and is hopelessly lost. It involves speed dialing hubby.

Notable Memorable Hubby Quotes

"Can't you just answer my questions without making me ask them?"

"Life isn't all roses and pins and gummy bears, you know."
This little gem was said to our 18 year old daughter in an effort to teach her some important life lesson, which now I can't for the life of me remember what it was. All I remember is that when the heated lecture was over, we looked at each other and said, "Pins and gummy bears???" I asked him what the hell a pin was and why was it such a rosy thing and he didn't have a clue. It was just one of those words you pull from the vocabulary file in the heat of the moment and really can't explain later.

Hubby's been a little lacking in giving me good material these days. He tends to shrivel and hide in the heat.

Here's a couple recent quotables from The Girl, my now 17-year-old:

Talking about adventures she would like to have in her life: "I want to do something cool with animals like protecting the giraffes in Australia."

Describing the size of her substitute teacher one day: "He's three quarters of a Randy Jackson."

If this appears to be a desperate last-minute, half-assed, thrown-together post simply to get something up on a is. What can I say? I'll try my best to improve the quality as the week goes on.


Fred J said...

So THAT'S what the baby-books were doing on the coffee table! Go figger. But the Redhead inexplicably left out the most oft-used Fredition...

GOOSE-CHASE: when I'm looking for something and wifey says "It's in the...", but it's not. And being the Charlie Brown to her Lucy I run all the way upstairs to try kicking that football anyway. The problem is so endemic I've written a song. Yes, a song.

GOOSE-CHASE GIRL (tune of 'Uptown Girl')
Well she's my goose-chase girl
I been livin' in her goose-chase world
She always does it but she don't say why
And I keep fallin' for it ev-ry time
She says she knowwws when she don't
So she lie - yi - yies
And when you go there it ain't
So you cry - yi - yie

You get the idea...

Ms. Understood said...

LOL, Both the post and the comment. I gave you a blog award that you can grab from my most recent post. Glad you back. Happy belated birthday to your kiddos.

Savira Gupta said...

LOL real loud...... Nice to have some laughter Thank you

Unknown said...

Really? thrown together? And I still chuckle. Algae-bra.

All hail Google God. And, yeah, wine.

karen said...

SOOOOOO very glad that there's an entire floor of conference rooms between the hotel lobby and the first of the guest rooms. I literally just broke out into laughter loud enough that I probably would have gotten noise complaints otherwise!!! How embarrassing would THAT have been?
"Guest Services! This is Karen, how can I help you?"
"Yeah -- there's some crazy loud laughter going on that's waking me up."
"Uh ... yeah ... that was me."

aladdinsane12 said...

i love that randy jackson is now a unit of measurement. that's awesome. i also love the 'on-store' program. :)