Thursday, June 6, 2013

NASA, and Ladyparts, and Toes and other Related Things

It's time for Friday Fragments! Where I get to write about all the tiny little things that happened this week and throw them all into one post!

Frag #1
This week was off to a fabulous start with my visit to the Gyno on Monday. Do you know they take a picture of you now? This was my first visit with this doctor, and I was quite taken aback when the receptionist grabs this skinny probe-looking thing off the counter and says, "smile!" And takes my picture.

I should clarify that it wasn't while I was laying all spread-eagled in the stirrups, but was when I first walked in, and fully dressed.

But was off-putting. Does it help the doc to put a face with the nether-region? Does she like to know who's who and twat's what?

(Hee, hee. Twat. See what I did there?)

Frag #2
In related news, my blood work was "consistent with menopause."

That's the exact words the nurse used. Oh she was a real wordsmith, that one.

I googled the hormone level results to confirm what the nurse said (because the Internet makes us all medical experts), and one website said my levels were "a confirmation of ovarian shutdown."

Ok, now I felt like I just heard it from NASA. "Houston, can you confirm ovarian shutdown?"

But enough about my lady parts.

Frag #3
After my conversation with the nurse, my sister texted me. She was going on about the insects on her fruit plants and I was trying to tell her about my gyno visit and I had to laugh because if someone were to read a snippet of the conversation it looks like I had caterpillars growing in my vagina.

Now, for reals, I'm off the lady parts topic.

Frag #4
It was The Girl's birthday this week. She turned 20. I'm so proud of her. She's come so far in the last several months. Just last year on her birthday we didn't even know where she was. She had gotten out of rehab, relapsed, and disappeared for a month.

So, to be able to spend her birthday with her, and have her be clean and sober for what is 11 months now...was truly a blessing.

And around here we celebrate blessings with pedicures.

Now, I must add that I haven't had a pedicure since my Spain trip, which was March. And I had some calloused, gnarly heels going on. Seriously.

I mean, I knew they were pretty bad, but I didn't realize how bad until I saw the look on my pedicurist's (is that a word??) face when she looked at them:

What was even funnier was watching her as she sanded away at my callouses with the foot grater. I wanted to burst out laughing because the poor woman had the most concentrated, yet disgusted look on her face that I had ever seen.

Then to top it off, she was yanking my foot so high up in the air that I must have looked as ridiculous as she did. I was having flashbacks to my gyno visit.

I sooo wish I could have had my daughter snap a picture. I didn't want the poor woman to think I was making fun of her, so I refrained. She spoke broken English, so I don't know if she would have understood that I was really laughing at myself, not her. 

We looked something like this:

You no wait so long next time! Your feet like Crocodile!
You'll be relieved to know I tipped her well. She really did do a nice job:

Old, menopausal, mom toes and young, 20-year old daughter toes
After getting scolded in Vietnamese, I took my daughter shopping and out to dinner. We had a lovely time, us with our matching, polka-dotted toes.

And that's my frags for this week! Sorry for all the lady-parts talk.

Tell us about your lady-parts and frags and toes and anything else that floats your boat, by linking up over at Halfpastkissintime! 

Half-Past Kissin' Time


Karen and Gerard said...

I have a "pedegg" tool to scrape my own callouses. So glad your daughter is doing well now! Like your cartoon--how did you do it?

viridian said...

ha ha! I giggled through this post! I am perimenopausal myself!

Bill Lisleman said...

"who's who and twat's what" - good one.
First time here so I read your "about" page. One of the best ones I've read. You must enjoy space and I don't mean the space around you but science and space. I thought the quote from that great Apollo 13 movie was, "Houston we have a problem." Oh I actually remember living through the Apollo 13 crisis but now I wish I had written down some notes.
If you are new to the FF meme/game, welcome and I hope join in again.
Lastly, I am very happy to say I have no lady-parts.

Stacy Uncorked said...

You are hysterical! And now I'll be thinking of your lady parts funnies when I go in to get my annual poking and prodding next month. I wonder if my doctor will think I've lost it when I start to giggle uncontrollably? And I'm pretty sure I'll have verification that I'm starting the road to the menopausal stage. Yay.

How awesome you got to enjoy your daughter's birthday like you did! In spite of the reaction of the pedicurist to your crocodile feet. ;)

Farewell to Friday for a Temporary Hiatus

Susan said...

You crack me up!

I had a pedi a couple years ago. She was attacking my feet with the cheese grater with a very determined look on her face. I nearly died when someone else came by with a mini-vac to clean up the pile of "crumbs" halfway through!

Lori said...

Oh, now THAT's embarrassing!

Lori said...

Thanks Bill, I never know what to write on those "About me" or "bio" type questions. I'm fascinated by astronomy...but don't have a lot of knowledge about it. My hubby does, though, and Apollo 13 is one of our favorite movies.
Be very, very glad you don't have any of tham thar lady-parts!

Lori said...

It just sucks, doesn't it?

Lori said...

I have one too, but I don't use it much - that's my problem! I use Watch out, it's addicting!

Keetha Broyles said...

Love a good pedi. They are always sweet to me at my nail spa no matter how long it's been since my last pedi.

Addiction-A Mothers Perspective said...

So glad the picture wasn't taken when you were spread-eagle. Seriously, if there's one part of our body we would never want to see an 8 x 10 glossy of, that would be it.

I love your Friday Frags, and love your sense of humor.

Fred J said...

Bill - if the redhead botched an Apollo 13 quote, my heartfelt apologies. I promise to look into the matter and overreact accordingly - she's better than that, and it will not stand! This goes for the sudden, uncharacteristic potty-mouth she seems to have picked up somewhere as well! Her flagrant use of the 'T'-word was hardly drawing room fashion, and I suspect her sister is the bad influence at the heart of this alarming turn.

Unknown said...

So, I'm starting to think that we have the same gyno *snaps a picture* or maybe that's just the trend here in Vegas. I bet some perv doctor came up with that idea & it just caught on.