Sunday, October 26, 2014

22 Girl's Trip Do's and Don'ts You Probably Haven't Heard Of

A few weeks ago, my sister and I went to Brianhead, Utah on our second annual Sister's Trip. Instead of a narrative of our shenanigans, I thought a road trip Do's and Don'ts list would be both amusing and helpful. I'm considerate like that.

I learned some important traveling tips when on a road trip with my sister.

DO offer to drive if you are taking the other traveler's car. We were taking my sister's car so I drove on the way up.

DON'T start bickering about the temperature in the car on the way to the gas station before you've even left town. Unless one of you is menopausal, in which case it's perfectly acceptable for that one to declare it "too stinkin' hot" and turn the temperature setting all the way to the cold side and the blow factor (giggity) to at least 3. The non-menopausal one should just shut up and put on her jacket.

DON'T accuse the menopausal person of being "Evil Twin Car Lori" and state vehemently several times during the course of the trip that you can't wait to get to your destination so that the evil twin will disappear and "Pain-in-the-ass-but-pleasant-enough Lori" returns. This is counter productive when dealing with a hot and irritable menopausal person.

DO remind the non-menopausal person that very soon, she will experience the same hell and when that happens, been-there-done-that menopausal person is going to gloat like a motha'.

DO ignore it when your passenger tells you to slow down because the roads are wet, or to change lanes to pass someone, or that the lane is ending and you have to get over. She is trying to be helpful and doesn't realize she's really annoying the crap out of you. Also ignore it every time she checks her airbag light to make sure it's working just because you stopped short once when a semi cut you off. because you didn't listen to her when she told you the lane was ending.

DO make sure you understand the definition of a "flight" of stairs so that when the owner of the condo you are renting says it's "three flights up," you know what you're in for. When you have stairs, then a landing, then stairs, then a landing...6 times...that's 6 flights of stairs, not 3. 4 trips hauling crap up from the car and back totals 48 flights of stairs. Factor in the higher elevation and you got yourselves 2 of these:

DON'T bring more crap than you need. See above.

DO bring a couple chick flicks and a shitload an appropriate amount of alcohol. You will need a way to spend your evenings. Margaritas and whiskey are good choices. After finishing the margaritas and starting on the whiskey, one of you should declare herself the "Fire Queen" and slur at tell the other to rip up magazines for kindling. When she gets the fire roaring, Fire Queen should shout, "Blog this, bitch!" and high five the other one. Both should laugh uncontrollably.

DO text your husbands (who are at home taking care of the dogs and kids while you are partying) so that they know you are both safe and not getting into any trouble. Something like this is appropriate and will put their minds at ease that you are safe:

Drunk text to husbands.
Note: Tequila does not improve grammar.

DO take selfies of yourselves to remember the fun you're having and the fact you both brought the exact same pajamas. Just know your picture taking skills will be impaired due to the tequila and whiskey.

...Nor does it improve picture taking skills

DON'T mix your liquor ever. ever. again. In retrospect, finishing the tequila and starting on the whiskey was not a good idea.

DO take a picture of your companion with her head over the toilet so you can show her in the morning and laugh at it. If you are the one in the picture, DON'T post it on your blog. No one wants to see that.

If you are not the one with her head over the toilet, DO clip your companion's hair back so she doesn't puke on it. It's the social convention.

DO take in the local scenery and go hiking during the day. You will need to burn off the calories from the alcohol.

Hiking while on a girl's trip in Brianhead Utah
Oh, we were serious, with our hiking sticks and all.

DO get clear directions from the locals to find the hikes. Ask more than one local because you may not get the right directions the first time and end up doubling back a few times. The 2 hour hike might turn into a 4 and a half hour death march hike. Nevertheless, enjoy the scenery along the way.

Beauty is all around when you're hiking
There were hints of fall color in the foliage everywhere.

Hiking in Utah we saw beautiful Aspen trees and fall colors
The aspens were beautiful. All lined up like soldiers.

View from our condo in Brianhead utah
This is the view from our balcony.

DON'T believe the locals (who likely all drive pick-ups with 4-wheel drive) when they tell you "Oh, your car will make it just fine on that road." You may find yourself driving along ATV paths that couldn't possibly have been meant for automobiles, scared shitless to keep driving forward, but even more scared to turn around and go back because it would mean driving back over the treacherous road you were just on.

DO be as comforting as you can when your companion, whose car is not yet a year old, begins to have a mini freak out over the road conditions and the fact that you may be lost. Be understanding when, on top of it all, it begins to hail and she yells, "Are you KIDDING me?!" 

DO appreciate the beauty of where you are. When you're in a place called the Twisted Forest, among Bristlecone Pine trees that are the oldest living organisms on the planet and date back as far as 5000 years, be sure and take a selfie. Oh, and pictures of the trees too.

Bristlecone Pines as old as 5000 years in Twisted Forest
They look old, don't they?

Me and my sis.

DON'T be in such a hurry to drive home, that you forget to stop at the scenic overlooks along the way. You might miss something spectacular.

Scenic Overlook at Cedar Breaks Utah
Cedar Breaks, Utah

Beautiful Cedar Breaks Utah
Another overlook at Cedar Breaks

DON'T point out signs you see when browsing through roadside gift shops, that you think apply to your menopausal companion. Again...counterproductive.

No Whining sign at Cracker Barrel in Utah
My sis got a good laugh over this.

DO take road trips often and to places you haven't seen before.

To travel is to take a journey into yourself

Journeying through Menopause,

Linking up to Natasha's Wake Up Wednesday Link party over at Epic Mommy Adventures. Go visit her and link up your post too! 


Robyn said...

This is such a cute post! Love the bit about backseat driving haha, I can totally relate! Looks like you ladies had a really fun weekend :)

AiringMyLaundry said...

Pretty photos!

And I agree! Only I don't like to drive, so I prefer the other person does it. However, I offer to pay for gas.

Unknown said...

Utah is so stinkin' beautiful. It's definitely on my places to visit... although preferably before I'm menopausal ;)

Kimberly said...

This is the laugh I needed...OMG...hahah!!!
I have not been on a road trip with my friends in ages. The last one was to a friends wedding that was eight hours away. We were drunk. I offered to drive. Ended up pulling over, puking. Swapped drivers, they pulled over, puked. It was like magical driving seats.
No one took pictures.

Fred J said...

This is why I don't on these "Sisterhood of the Babbling Rants" expeditions... well, that and your sister's "pee can".