What Happens When Good Girls Go To 'N Sync Concerts

Linking up with Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop again this week cause I'm lazy and don't have to think up my own topics her topics are always interesting and fun.

The topic I chose this week is to share an old photo of myself and tell you about it.


I have to preface this by saying, I was a "good girl" my entire life. I never rebelled as a teenager. I always wanted to please my parents. The worst thing I did as a teenager was to crank call a guy I had a crush on and ask for "Sophie" when his mom answered the phone. I didn't even disguise my voice, so it was no surprise when I answered the phone a few days later and it was his mom, asking for "Sophie."

I was sooooo busted.

Yeah, I know. Boring.

My point is, I walked the straight and narrow my whole life and after my divorce in 1999, I kind of rebelled a little.

And my cousin was always nearby to help me. My outgoing, effervescent cousin. (And I so had to google "effervescent" to make sure I spelled it right. Nailed it!)

Anyhoo, here's my photo:

And no, I have no idea why I was standing like that or why I choose the shower curtain in my cousin's bathroom as the backdrop.

But let's just address the far bigger question - what the hell was up with my hair?? I may have thought the strategically placed strands around my face looked wind tossed and wild, when in fact it looks like I'm wearing warpaint.

Here's what I do know - my cousin and I were going out that night and my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) was our designated driver.

Which meant my cousin and I would be bringing flasks.

My cousin had to give her niece a ride to an outdoor 'N Sync concert. Her niece was meeting up with some friends, so we only had to give her a ride there, then a ride home. It was a distance from our homes and we didn't want to drop her off then go back and pick her up, so we decided to stay for the concert. No parental supervision was involved, which was a good thing because we were not the best examples of maturity and composure that night.

Did I mention we brought flasks?

When we got there, my cousin and I found a spot on the bleachers that we thought was away from the crowd for the most part and started girl talking and laughing and sipping on our flasks and having a grand 'ole time.

Then the cops show up.

I kid you not, we look up from our flask merry-making and two cops are looking down at us. This is how the conversation goes:

Cops - Are you ladies ok?
Me - Oh, yeahhh, we're fine, thanks for checking!
Cops - Are you smoking pot?
Cousin - No, you got some?
Cops (smiling because my cousin can be very charming) - Some people are complaining that you're talking very loud and inappropriately.
Me (looking around, embarrassed) - We ARE?
Cousin (indignantly, because that's her style) - WHAT people?
Cops (laughing a little because clearly we were harmless) - Just some people. This is a family crowd you know. Maybe you should move a little further away from everybody.

Apparently, someone sitting a few rows behind us complained that we were loud, obnoxious, and were smoking pot. We weren't smoking pot, and I don't think we were all that loud or obnoxious...although I do remember us laughing and talking about sex...maybe just a little.

So we moved our party away from the civilized people.

I was embarrassed. My cousin was "Whatevs." But a few more sips from the flasks and the merry-making returned to normal.

And that's my story to go with my wild-haired I-think-I'm-hot-stuff picture.

I know. It's like the crank call to my crush all over again. Mildly amusing, but not terribly wild and crazy.

What about you? Were you a "good girl" or a "rebel" for most of your life? Do tell!

My Adventure Baby Turns 23

23 years ago, in the middle of the grocery store, my labor pains began.

Many...many...many hours later, at 2:38 in the morning, I held my beautiful girl for the first time.

It felt like I'd known her forever.

She was an intuitive child, even in the womb. When I was upset, I could feel her restless and upset too. When I was calm and happy, so was she. She was the same way as a baby. Always in tune to how her mama was feeling.

She loved to dance since about 3 years old.

She's lit up my world since the day she was born and I'm so proud of her.

Happy Birthday, Sissa!

I'm proud of your adventurous spirit, your empathetic heart, and your hippie soul.
Continue to be who you are and be a bright light in this world.

Love you and miss you,

Mama

Ridonkulous Friday Frags

TGIF Y'ALL!

Happy Dance!

Or...spazz out until you pass out dance. Whatever fits. 

Anyhoo, it's Friday Frag day when I can write about the bits and pieces of the week and not feel guilty that they're short and random. Cause that's what fragments are.

Link up with Mrs. 444 at Half_Past Kissin' Time with your Friday Frags!

Frag #1 

My youngest, The Girl, had a scare Wednesday night. She works as a busser at a mountain lodge about 40 minutes from my house. She was driving home last night and hit a donkey.

Wild donkeys roam around up there and the roads are very dark at night and she didn't see him until she was right up on him. She's fine, but he did some pretty good damage to the car:

My poor daughter was pretty shook up. I stayed on the phone with her until her dad and highway patrol got there. She said she could hear the donkey stumbling around in the dark and was scared to death he would charge her or something. And her flashlight was dead, so she couldn't see anything.

When the highway patrol got there they said she was very fortunate because many times the donkey goes through the windshield and lands in the driver's lap, either breaking legs or smothering the driver. Can you imagine? 

This was enough to convince my daughter to quit. I can't say I blame her. She's only worked there 2 weeks and in that time has run over a deer and killed a donkey. I think she needs to stay away from wildlife for a while.

The donkey died not long after she hit him, by the way. Poor thing.

Well that's a humdinger of a story to start this Friday party with, ain't it?

Can you say - Debbie Downer?

My frags aren't all like this, I promise.

Frag #2

My sister was coloring my hair this week in her hot little bathroom because she keeps her house at 85 in the summer because she hasn't started menopause yet. So of course, I was sweating like a pig. She brushes my forehead with her hand as she's pulling my hair back and says, "Ewww, you're gooey!"

Have I mentioned how much I look forward to her going through menopause? I seriously can't. freakin'. wait.

Frag #3

Speaking of sisters and hair, I bought some swap meet hair last weekend with my sister and wrote a post about it. I actually wrote 3 posts this week, which is pretty good for inconsistent bloggy girl. One of the topics for Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop was to share a quote you love. I couldn't resist that one, so I wrote a post about one of my favorite quotes. 

Frag #4

I've seen the cutest decorating ideas for Halloween on Pinterest. Check out these easy Do-It-Yourself projects that would be great for a Halloween Party. Luminaries made out of milk jugs and creepy toilet paper hands! I'm sharing them at the end of the post because they look all wonky if I put any words after them. I hate HTML code.

That's it for my frags. Hope you have a ridonkulous weekend!

Gooey-ly yours,
Lori

This Is The Quote I Love Today

When I saw one of the writing prompts for the Writer's Workshop this week, I knew exactly what I would write. The prompt is "Share a quote you love."

 I love many quotes, so for me the question is more, which quote means the most to me today?

 And it's this one:

I'm a worrier. I've gotten much better over the last year and I honestly don't know if it's because I finally understand how destructive and unproductive worrying is...or if I have less to worry about.

Probably a little of both.

I have come to accept that worrying doesn't change the outcome of whatever I'm worried about. Not one iota. It doesn't help the situation and in fact, only makes it worse because it's so emotionally draining there is no strength left to deal with anything else.

Worry is caused by a negative reality we create for ourselves. It's fear of things that haven't happened. If they haven't happened, they aren't real. It's like the child afraid of the monster under her bed.

Worry is a soul-sucking, strength-draining monster. And it doesn't change a thing.

I read an insightful post by David Cain, who writes the blog Raptitude. It's an amazing blog full of his deep observations about what it means to be human. I love reading his stuff.

Anyway, his post explains this graphic and what steps are involved to follow the arrows and get to the holy grail in the center:

It's really very simple. If you have a problem (a "problem" being anything that affects you emotionally) and you can't do anything to solve it, don't worry. If you can do something, then do it. It's not rocket science, but it's hard.

But back to my quote.

Its truth applies to any negative emotion. Substitute the words "regret," "guilt," "self-pity," or "anger" for "worry" in this quote and they all work. They all empty today of its strength.

Acknowledging this fact is the first step to letting go of these negative emotions and letting yourself be happy. Letting myself me happy.

Bobby Ferrin was right. Don't worry, be happy.

Yours,

Worry-Wart

Thanks to Mama Kat for her inspiring and varied writing prompts. If you've never participated in her Writer's Workshop, you should give it a try. She sends you cake if you do. No, not really. But she might make a video of herself eating cake and laugh at you. And her videos are pretty funny.

Why You Should Get Some Swap Meet Hair Too

I went to the indoor swap meet this weekend. I love the indoor swap meet.

It's my go-to place for any cell phone cases or accessories because it's a whole lot cheaper than the AT&T store or Best Buy or even Wal-Mart.

It's my go-to place for Bamboo, which appears to be the only plant I don't kill. Just stick 'em in some water with some rocks, keep them away from the cat (who drinks the water and chews on the leaves, which I'm pretty sure is not good for the plant), remember to to refill the water every couple days, and it's happy.

And it's my go-to place for clip-on hair.

I fit right in in the trailer park, don't I?

© Depositphotos.com/Melking

Seriously, if you haven't tried clip-on hair, you just have to get yourself one and try it. They come in all colors, styles and lengths. The kind I like are straight on one side, then you flip them over and they're curly.

They're really just like a full or curly ponytail. Only you don't have to curl or fluff. With my fine, straight hair, I could fluff my brains out and never have the volume of the one on the left. (And I shudder to think what kind of pervs will google "fluff my brains out" and find their way to my blog).

Anyway, back to my swap meet hair. The point is, don't knock it. My sister and I each bought long ones a few years ago and wore them when we went out to a show on the strip with my husband. We were all dolled up, with our swap meet hair, flanking my husband as we strolled through the casino. A guy walked past us and said, "Lucky guy!" to my husband.

In our minds, my sister and I were all:

In reality we may have been:

No really, they look good.

Here's what I love about swap meet hair:

1. My hair can look good even on a no-wash day. Just stick it in a ponytail, pin the sides in, clip it on, brush my bangs and I'm done. Look out world, me and my big hair are takin' ya down.

2. They're under $20 a piece at the swap meet, so they don't cut into the travel trailer savings.

3. They come in different shades so if I change my hair color to cover the gray (as I've been known to do a time or two) I can usually find one to match.

4. They come in different lengths and styles so it's easy to find one that works for most women.

If you decide to run out to your local swap meet and get some, here's a few tips:

1. Be careful to match the color as close as you can to your own hair. The lighting isn't always the best in the store and when you get outside in the sunlight it could look like a completely different color. Try to get one with some highlights in it. That way as long as one of the highlight colors matches your hair, it will work.

2. Don't clip it too high or too low on your head. You want it to look like a fluffy ponytail, not like a raccoon is crawling on your head.

3. Pin your hair up so your real hair doesn't poke out of sides of the ponytail. Or if you put your hair in a ponytail, bobby pin the sides so they stay put under the clip.

Here's how it looks on:

The bra strap really adds to the whole swap-meet-hair-trailer-park look I'm rockin', don't you think?

Here's a look from the side:

See what I mean about the fluffy ponytail look? I clipped it on quickly, so my hair's messy in the front, but you get the idea. I actually need to get a different color because this one looked right in the store but in the sunlight you can see that it doesn't have enough red in it for my hair color.

So next time you're at the swap meet, stop in at the clip on hair booth and get you some swap meet hair. You're gonna love it!

Rockin'-my-swap-meet-hair,
Lori

Narcissistic Fragments

Happy Dance picture because it's Friday, and that's what I do now here on Friday Frags:

You go, Captain Picard, you sexy galactic traveler, you.

Frag #1
I spent the better part of last weekend redesigning my blog when I should have been cleaning house and paying bills. It's looked the same for a long time and needed a makeover. As Hassan says in The Hundred-Foot Journey, "Perhaps 200 years is long enough." Or three years, in my case.

So...What do you think? I made it wider and changed the header and my blog button. Is it ok? Do you like it? Do you hate it? Do tell. Be honest, I can take it.

Frag#2
As you can tell from the quote above, I saw The Hundred-Foot Journey with my sister last weekend and loved it! Such a great message about being open to new experiences and new people in our lives. When we open ourselves up, we invite in opportunity and adventure. One small change or event in our lives that seems meaningless at the time could be the catalyst to a whole new exciting path for us. I recommend this movie to everyone!

Frag#3
I participated in Mama Kat's writer's workshop this week and wrote a tongue-in-cheek post about why I want to live in a travel trailer. You can check it out here if you want:

Frag #4

So, remember I told you I took a  class to learn ways to use Pinterest to drive traffic to my blog? Well, today was the last day of it and I learned a ton, I tell ya, a ton! Like the importance of making graphics like the one above and putting them in your posts so they can be pinned on Pinterest. 

I would recommend this class to anyone who wants to drive traffic to their blog and likes Pinterest. You'll learn how to arrange your boards, how keywords on your pins and boards help, and lots of other stuff. You can get details about the next class from Melissa over at Blog Clarity.

Do you Pinterest? If so, wanna be Pinterest friends? follow me from the widget in my sidebar and I promise to follow you back. Here's a peek at my Halloween Craft and DIY board: 

Follow Tiny Little Reveries's board Halloween Craft Reveries on Pinterest.

Fun, right?

And I just realized this entire post was me, me me. Do you like me? Did you read me? Will you follow me? Narcissistic, much?

Short frags this week. I need to back up my iPhone in hopes of getting an iPhone 6 tomorrow. I know. First world problems. And more me. How boring can I be??

Obtusely and narcissisticly yours,
Lori

Thanks to Mrs. 444 at Half-Past Kissin' Time for hosting Friday Fragments! You can read more frags or link up your own here:

10 Reasons I Want to Live in a Travel Trailer

I've written a few times about how I want to live in a travel trailer. I  remember when this obsession (or disease, as my husband calls it) first set in. I was 18 years old and working at a Ford dealership.

Ford published a small  magazine they would distribute to their dealerships and in it one month was an excerpt from the book "Blue Highways" by William Least Heat-Moon. The author converted a Ford van into a travelling home (no kitchen or bathroom. Yeah, he was single) and set out across the U.S.

He stayed off Interstates and took highways and backroads (routes which appear in blue on maps) and visited small towns and heard the stories from folks with small lives but big hearts. And he wrote about it. It was filled with history, introspection, hope, and the wonder of the human spirit.

I was hooked when I read the excerpt so I checked the book out from the library and read the whole thing. I loved it. I was on a different path in my life at the time, so I couldn't take off and do what he did, but oh, how I wanted to. That book stirred up a wanderlust in me that's been simmering ever since.

But I  won't blather on about my past right now. That's for another yawnfest post. My point is, I have never told you all the reasons why I want to live in a travel trailer. So I made a little list for you.

1.  The hubs and I would have our own accommodations, so friends we want to visit can't say they don't have room. You would be surprised how many of our friends are constantly remodeling their guest rooms. Most have even done it more than once! And it always turns out to be right when we want to come visit them for a couple weeks. Go figure.

It's really too bad that they miss out on our company because, quite frankly, we're charming.

Now if we had a travel trailer, why, we can just pull right on up in front of their house, hook up to their electricity, and us and our 5 dogs will be cozy as bedbugs. Just like when Eddie and Catherine visited the Griswold's for Christmas.

Don't they seem like fun people to have as company? (Source)

Can't imagine why our friends wouldn't want this parked in front of their house. She's a beaut! (Source)

2.  The kids can't move back home.  "Awww, son, you spent all your money on a big screen and computer games and now you can't afford your rent? Wish we could help ya out, but no room, don't-cha-know." 

"Awww, sweetie, you've been off footloose and fancy free in Hawaii and have run out of money while we've paid your cell phone bill and insurance and been taking care of your dog for 8 months, and now you need to stay somewhere while you work a job for a while? Darn. And us in our travel trailer with just one little bedroom. Shoot. Shootie Shoot Shoot. Too bad."

3.  If we don't like our neighbors, we can just up and drive away. Nosy neighbors are the worst. Always peeking out their curtains at your comings and goings and yelling at their husbands to come and watch what you're doing. 

Oh wait...that was Gladys from Bewitched. 

We actually don't know our neighbors very well, but if we did I bet we wouldn't like them and it would be nice if we could just drive on away from them. I'm sure it would be nice for them too. 

4.  No HOA rules to follow. Don't you hate HOAs? They're right up there with nosy neighbors. So we have a weed or 54895215 in the front yard, leave our trash cans on the curb a day or three after trash day, and our dogs bark incessantly a little - what's the big deal? You'd think we were living in freakin' Beverly Hills or something. I'll gladly trade HOA for KOA any day.

5.  I'd have interesting things to blog about. In a travel trailer, we'd be on the move all the time (other than the two or three weeks we'd park in front of our friend's houses). We'd be meeting new people and seeing interesting things and I'd have more exciting things to blog about than the time my Internet died or the things that happen in our bedroom at night or the time I went clothes shopping on Halloween and forgot to wear spanx. So see? You'd benefit too, if only I could live in a travel trailer. Maybe I should put a donation thingy in my sidebar to help the cause. 

6.  We would accumulate less crap because we'd have no place to put it. I buy containers to store crap. Then I buy things to store the containers in that hold the crap. Then I pin pictures of how I wish all my crap looked when it was stored. Then I buy more crap. It's time to admit I have a problem and stop the crapness. Maybe I could write off the trailer as crap addict therapy. I think the Obama plan covers that.

7.  No yard work. These are the three little words I long to hear every day. I force my family to do yard work, but no one in our house really likes doing it. Hence the aforementioned issues in #7 above. In a travel trailer we won't be anywhere long enough for the weeds to grow. And if they do, we can just move.

8.  We would actually be travelling. With a full time job and limited vacation time, we don't get to travel very often. Sure, I can get away and take my annual sister's trip for a few days, or go camping, or get away with the hubby, but we can't go too far or stay too long because we have to come back. If we lived in a travel trailer, guess what? No mortgage or rent to pay! With expenses cut, we could figure out a way to make enough money on the road to sustain us. 

And as Latin philosopher Augustine of Hippo said, "The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page." I want to read the whole damn book. Or at least the parts of it that I can drive to.

9. A small trailer means a small amount of cleaning. It's just plain science. The amount of cleaning is in direct proportion to the size of the dwelling. I'm tired of dusting and vacuuming and mopping and cleaning bathrooms. If we lived in a travel trailer I could spend my time more meaningfully like browsing Pinterest, playing Sims and making comics hiking and writing and talking with people.

10.  I could have a view with my coffee in the morning. I want to wake up, take my coffee outside, and sip it while looking at a lovely view every day. Mountains, beach, desert...wherever. As long as it's beautiful and changes frequently.

And those are all the reasons I want to live in a travel trailer. Lastly, I leave you with this picture, that my friend Kim, who doesn't blog anymore, but posts amazing pictures on Instagram, sent me via Pinterest:

This is so flippin' cute I can't stand it. (Source)

Trailing behind,
Lori

This post is for Mama Kat's world famous Writer's Workshop, in which (wow, try to say that 5 times fast) I choose the topic "Write a blog post inspired by the word: Travel". If you've never participated in Mama Kat's workshops, you totally should! Just head on over, choose a topic, and link up!

Fat Friday Frags

Didn't Friday take forever to get here? I had Monday off work too, so I had a short week, but man am I ready for it to be over. Cookie Monster happy dance:

It's Cookie Monster because I just confirmed I gained 6 pounds. I thought I gained a little, but was avoiding the scale and had a doc appointment today where they made me step on it. dammit.

I need to get my 6-pound-heavier-butt in gear now, I suppose.

Anyhoo, I'm getting off track because the point is that it's Friday Frag time. You know, that day when you can put all the little thoughts and odds and ends from your week that aren't enough to fill a whole post, but are worth mentioning, into one post? And that was the longest, kludgiest sentence ever.

Frag #1

My sister and I went off on our now-annual sister's trip last weekend. I'll give you the whole low-down this weekend and link to it in next week's frags, but suffice it to say, we had a grand time. 

There was the usual bickering about my hot flash situation and her general unreasonableness, but several margaritas and some whiskey set it all right. At least for a little while. But that's a whole 'nother blog post.

Here's a couple pics of the beautiful scenery:

Cedar Breaks, Utah

Cedar Breaks, Utah

Brian Head, Utah

Aaaand here's my sister:

You see what I have to deal with?

Frag #2

We had some serious flooding in Moapa, a little town Northeast of us. A portion of Interstate 15, the main highway to and from Utah, was washed away and will be shut down for weeks while they repair it. This happened a day after we got back from Utah, fortunately. We got some rain at our house, but not bad at all. Other areas of town were completely flooded. Here's a pic of Moapa and the Interstate:

Moapa, Nevada (Source)

Interstate 15, Nevada (Source)

 No lives lost, but some scared folks over there, now trying to pick up the pieces.

Frag #3

So, I signed up for a class on how to use Pinterest to generate traffic to your blog or website. (and yes, I do realize how ridiculously shallow that sounds after the aforementioned flooding. I maybe should have eased into it.) 

Anyway, It's a 2 week online course and this was the first week. I had no idea I needed a strategy to really benefit from Pinterest and am astounded at how much traffic it can generate if you use it right. 

Mind you, I haven't seen the astounding traffic yet, but others who are taking the class say most of their blog traffic comes from Pinterest. We'll see what happens as I apply what I learn. In the meantime, it's a fun class - I mean, how could it not be, it's Pinterest, for crying out loud.

If anyone is interested, it's offered through Melissa, over at Blog Clarity. She has lots of great tips and classes for bloggers.

Frag #4

I read a beautiful blog post this week about accepting those we love for who they are, despite addiction, mental illness, or any other ailment or issue they may have. As a parent of an addict, sometimes we get spun up about why our child is the way they are, or why they can't change, or how we could have done something different to prevent their addiction to begin with. But all of that worry is exhausting and doesn't help.

And in the end, all we can do is love them. No regret. No blame. Just love. "We get who we get and we love who we love," are the blogger's poignant words. If you'd like to read it, it's a short post by Annette at Just For Today and the link goes right to the post.

I'm so grateful that my daughter is in recovery.

Frag #5

Lastly, to end this post on a lighter note, here's a comic I made a while back. Click on the little 4 arrow thingy in the right corner to enlarge it:

Frag #6
And lastly, lastly, because I almost forgot to mention it and how ungrateful would that be...I won a blog giveaway this week!!

Airing My Dirty Laundry (and isn't that the cutest name??) had a blog giveaway for a $15 Fandango gift card and I won it! Now all I have to do is decide how to use it -  girl's night or date night...hmmm.

Check out her blog if you get time, she's really funny.

So now that's it for my frags this week. Hope y'all have a great weekend! If you want to write your own Friday Frags, head on over to Half-Past Kissin' Time and link up!

Fatly yours,
Lori

Winging It Wednesday (Eve)

Y'all can come on back to my blog now. I'm over the I-had-a-dream-and-I'm-going-to-write-a-sappy-poem-about-it mood. So go ahead...come on out. It's safe.

I'm going on our now annual sister's trip tomorrow. Sis and I are going to Brian Head Utah to stay in a friend's cabin, only I found out it's not a cabin, it's a condo in the city of Brian Head. With a jacuzzi! No schlepping it in a tent this year and we don't even have to gather our own firewood because the cabin is stocked with wood for the fireplace.  Awesome Sauce!

So, no Friday Frag post this week because I won't be here, but hopefully I'll have a good story to tell when we get back and lots of pictures to share. I know you're thinking, "Yay. Vacation pictures," but I promise not to be boring.

Maybe I'll throw in a comic if there is anything comic worthy that happens.

So I'm thinking of doing a meme thing on Wednesdays called Wing It Wednesday where I free write for a paragraph or two or six.

No back spacing, no deleting, no thinking...just writing...about anything.  I've never made a practice of free writing but I've been reading that it's good practice for the writing skills.

Anyhoo....would anyone else be interested in that? Not in reading my dribble, particularly, but in participating? I could do one of those linky things I see other bloggers use and I've never used and make it all official like. Just curious.

Actually, maybe someone is already doing a free write meme. I didn't google and check. Guess I'll do that. I don't want to be a blogger-toe-stepper-oner.

Gotta go pack now.  Can't find my bathing suit.

Not skinny dipping chick signing off.

Just One More Day

I had a dream they were babies again,

my three grown kids, now self-sustained.

In my dream I was still their whole world.

My hugs and affection all ails would cure.

I held them close and caressed their faces

while tiny hands wrapped 'round me in soft embraces.

So small, so young, so innocent;

I breathed in deep, their sweet baby scent.

My soul felt light as I lay there dreaming

of me and my babies, before Time's scheming.

From my blissful trance I didn't want to awake

but sleep's veil fell away; my joy dawn did take.

"Just one more day," were the words that slipped from my lips

as wistful tears fell while I lay there transfixed.

Just one more day, please, to stroke their soft hair

and snuggle with them in our old rocking chair.

Just one more day when my kiss and soft words

could soothe all their fears and pain from this world.

Just one more day to say silly things

like "Don't eat bugs" and "No, you won't grow wings,"

instead of more grown-up expressions

like "Why do drugs?" and "I can't fix your depression."

Just one more day of playing dress up with hats,

swinging at the park, and watching Rugrats.

Just one more day of snug bedtime stories

before the dark nights fill their heads with life's worries.

Memories are fickle and time is swift,

so one more day as babes is what I wished.

But time doesn't go back, it cruelly goes onward.

So I got out of bed, my nostalgia ignored.

Now every time on my bed I lay

I pray my dreams bring me, just one more day.

**Can you tell it's past time to refill my hormone cream?

Wistfully Yours,

Lori

Long Weekend Friday Frags are the Best Kind of All!

What's better than Friday? A Friday before a holiday weekend, of course!

This week's frags are all about loafing husbands and comics that exploit them, auto-correct involving the word "dick",  and menopause.

Did I have you at "loafing?"

How about "dick?"

"Menopause?"

No? Then take your grumpy self on over to someone else's blog.

No, don't. Please stay. Did I mention I'm menopausal? Mood swings, you know.

First, a happy dance to celebrate the long weekend:

Then a sample of what my happy dance actually looks like:

No, I mean it - I have no rhythm whatsoever. It's scary really.

Enough with the intros and confessions, let's move on to the frags.

Frag #1

Before menopause, my husband was always hot and I was always cold. Every room we'd sit in, he would turn on the fan, and I'd bitch and moan about how cold it was and move away to some corner where the fan didn't hit me and give him the stink-eye like this:

My how the tables have turned. We had this conversation the other day while we were watching TV:

Me (getting up to turn on the fan): Aren't you glad I'm in menopause?

Him: It's the gift that keeps on giving.

Me: In more ways than one.

Frag #2:

Don't you love auto-correct? We have a customer at work, a business, called Dick W___. I can't say the business name, but why in the world would you have "Dick" in the name of your business? That's a topic for a whole 'nother frag, right there.

Anyway, I texted one of our managers, that I was mailing the check to Dick W___ and auto-correct changed the last name to Woe. Dick Woe. dick woe. 

I busted up laughing at that one. I'm so glad I can amuse myself at work. I sent a follow up text that said "According to the commercials, there's a pill for that."

By the way, have you noticed how the Cialis and Viagra and other drug commercials don't call the dick woe disorder (I don't want to spell it here because god knows what search terms will bring people to this blog if I do) by it's name anymore, they just call it ED? I think they should just call it dick woe. DW. Yup. Putting that one in the suggestion box.

Frag #3

I've mentioned before how my sister is like Amelia Bedelia. She can do about anything, including fixing her own sprinklers when they break. I, on the other hand, nag and whine and menace wait patiently for months for my hubby to fix our drippers and sprinklers in our yard. And we have a big yard and dogs, so there are always broken drippers and sprinklers needing repair. I finally got tired of waiting and asked my sis to show me how to do it my dang self.

So we turned on the sprinklers and walked around the yard looking for spraying water and leaks and made a list of what we needed from Home Depot to make the repairs. One particularly bad gusher was right next to the chair where hubby sits and plays Bad Piggies. He had put a rock over the broken line so it wouldn't interfere with his piggie tossing. And so I wouldn't see it.

But of course, we found it and moved the rock, knowing we were going to repair it the next day.

This all happened unbeknownst to loafing, piggie playing hubby. Here's a comic to demonstrate what happened:

I need to install a video camera to catch moments like these. I really do.

Scary, un-rhythmic, menopausal me, signing off.
(Oh, yeah, I'm a keeper)

Want to join in and post your own bits and pieces from the week? Link up at Half-Past 'Kissin Time and do share!

Friday Frags of Bad Piggies and Hubbys

I'm-a soooo glad it's Friday!

Frag #1
It's cracking me up, all the blog and facebook posts that basically say:

"Hallelujah and break out the wine, the kids are freakin' finally back in school!" 

One blogger (The Shitastrophy) said all the photos of smiling kids with their new school clothes and backpacks on are cute and all, but what she really wanted to see was the pictures of the exhausted, haggard, happy moms who finally get a little peace during the day. Here's what that would look like:

That about sums it up, yes?

Frag #2

I'm happy to say that my hubby could never get away with cheating on me. Nevermind that he would never do that because I'm...well, fabulous, like this guy:

But more importantly, he just plain couldn't cover his tracks. No way in hell. He sends texts meant for my sister, to me; instant messages meant for workmates to me; and butt dials me while doing things like screaming along to Judas Priest in his car.

The latest self-incriminating blunder is that his phone will arbitrarily decide it needs to make an emergency SOS text to me. This text includes a photo of hubby, a link to his location, and a message that says "SOS! I need help!" Seriously, it does.

So like I'll text hubby at work and ask if he's coming home on time. He'll text back that yeah, he's finishing up some work and he'll be out of there in a few minutes. 

An hour later I'll get the SOS message and picture. And what does the picture show him doing? 

Playing Bad Piggies on his phone! 

BUSTED!!

Ok, it didn't actually show the Bad Piggies, but it does show his game face, looking down at his phone, brows furrowed in concentration, and tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth. I know his Bad Piggie playing face when I see it.

Come to find out, it's an Android thing. If you press the on/off button twice (quickly), the phone sends this SOS message to someone in your contact list. Not sure how it decides which contact. God knows who else he's sending these to as he's wildly pressing away at his phone, flinging those damn piggies. Anyway the point is, if he's cheating, I'll eventually get a picture of him in action and his location so I can go over and kick his Bad Piggie Arse.

Good to know.

Frag #3

Last Friday night after work while I was in the wine aisle of the grocery store, picking up my big-ass regular size bottle of Friday night wine, I actually said, "Come to Mama," to myself. 

Too much sharing?

Frag #4

Here's a comic I made a while back:

I totally feel like an annoying little hyper kid right now, bouncing all over the place.

Frag #5
You know those cute outfits you see on Pinterest like this:

Do you know how they put these together? Polyvore.com! It's like a virtual closet with an unlimited budget. They have an app for iphone and Android so you can put together outfits on your phone or tablet. You can get all artsy with backgrounds and faces and effects. It's another fun creative outlet I've been dabbling in lately. They have home decor stuff too, so you can put together rooms. Here's a couple more designs:

Cute right? And it's free!

(Note: These aren't my designs. Mine are much more amateurish)

Frag #6

I finally wrote my Sisters Camping Trip post about the Zion trip I took with my sister last year. Last year. I know. I'm such a loser. But you might find the Pee Can stories funny.

Ok, I'm done bouncing around now. If you haven't done a Friday Fragments post ever, write you one and bounce on over to Half Past Kissin' Time and link up!

Fabulously yours,

Lori

P.S. Thanks to AiringMyDirtyLaundry.com where I was introduced to the hilariousness of animated GIFs. She wrote this super funny post where she used GIFs that made it even super funnier. I had to try it out.